Do you ever wake up in the morning, walk to the nearest mirror and say to your reflection “Wow you look amazing and today is going to be another perfect day for us!”? Well if you don’t, don’t worry you're not alone at all, in fact you're part of the majority! According to a recent survey taken in 2019, 85% of people worldwide lack self confidence which is a massive 11% increase from 2002.
Well what even is the true definition of self confidence? Self confidence is an inward feeling about yourself particularly around your ability and your skill levels. In more detail it means that you accept yourself for who you are, have faith in yourself and with that you have a strong sense of control in your life. You are able to recognise your strengths and weaknesses in which you are confident to showcase them in any opportunities or seek to improve them. Due to all this, people with a greater self confidence have a more positive outlook on life.
Self confidence is a vital trait to have as it helps us gain a sense of preparedness for all life's experiences. With greater confidence in ourselves we are more likely to reach out and grab all the opportunities and if nothing goes according to plan our confidence helps us get back up and continue working towards our goals.
So now we know what self confidence actually is and the importance of it, we will continue to explore on from the statistics at the beginning of this article. After recent surveys carried out in the United Kingdom, researchers have discovered that 80% of men do not believe that they are attractive, 50% of men do not believe that they are intelligent and 60% of men are not confident in their ability to do their job. If you think this is bad, the womens and adolescents statistics are drastically worse. 85% of women do not believe that they are attractive, 62% of women do not believe that they are intelligent and 66% of women are not confident in their ability to do their job. Alongside this, more than 50% of adolescents worry about what other people think about them on a day to day basis and over 33% of adolescents feel they are generally disliked by others.
Well with this many people claiming they have low self confidence what even is the difference between having self confidence and lacking self confidence? People with low self confidence rely heavily on how they are doing in the “here and now” in order to ascertain how they are feeling about themselves, as well as relying heavily on positive reinforcement such as compliments from friends, family or colleagues to help to keep their negative thoughts to a minimum, but even then positive feelings often only lasts for small periods of time. On the other hand, people with a high level of self confidence are always accepting of who they are and always know that they are deserving and worthwhile.
There are three different types of having low self confidence - the imposter, the rebel and the victim.
The imposter is someone who acts cheerful and successful when truly they are actually afraid to fail. Due to the mask of living a perfect life, these people often experience problems such as perfectionism, procrastination, always feeling as if they are competing with others and most of all, continuous burnout.
The rebel is someone who acts like they don’t care about others opinions however underneath they do and are always fighting the feeling of not being good enough. Due to this, they always feel like they have to prove to people that they really don’t care, leading to problems such as continuously blaming others and breaking rules and/or laws.
The victim is someone who continuously waits for someone to rescue them, someone who continuously acts helpless using this as an excuse to avoid their fear of taking charge in their life. Due to this, they experience problems such as underachievement, continuous reliance on others in their relationships and unassertiveness.
Well why do people lack self confidence? Our childhood plays a major role in shaping who we are in the future, in particular our personality therefore this involves our self confidence. According to many surveys conducted, people with a greater self confidence experienced a childhood in which they were listened to, spoken to with kindness and respect, received attention and affection and their accomplishments and mistakes were recognised and accepted. On the other hand, people with a lower self confidence experienced a childhood in which they experienced criticism, felt ignored, were teased and/or were expected to be perfect all the time.
Lacking self confidence can be detrimental to the well being of a person. There are four categories that make up our wellbeing - mental or emotional, physical, social and spiritual. When one of these categories begins to collapse it often results in them all tumbling down ultimately destroying our overall well being. This relates to lacking self confidence as people who lack self confidence often experience mental problems such as anxiety, stress, loneliness, and depression. This in turn also exposes people to social problems, examples including toxic and drifting friendships and romantic relationships alongside impairing job and academic success. This also causes our physical wellbeing to deteriorate, including increased drug and alcohol abuse, developing unhealthy eating patterns and exercising less frequently. This as you probably guessed also affects your spiritual well being examples including losing your faith in God. This destroys your overall well being which is often hard to come back from.
So how can we prevent the effects of having low self confidence? How can we slowly but surely gain a greater self confidence?
1. Recognise what you are good at - Once you have recognised them pursuit these things as generally we enjoy doing things we are good at therefore it will boost your mood and confidence once you see how good your really are
2. Be kind to yourself - Ignore that negative voice inside of you head and replace it with a positive one that compliments you
3. Smile and look people in the eye when you meet them - Simply doing this is not only respectful but it is also scientifically proven to boost your confidence
4. Show appreciation when you receive a compliment instead of disagreeing
5. Start to build positive relationships - Avoid hanging out with people who bring you down and try to build relationships with people who are positive
6. Give yourself a challenge every now and then - Set yourself a goal and then try your best to achieve it, it is scientifically proven that achieving your goals will boost your confidence
In conclusion, having self confidence is extremely important and beneficial. It sets you free from the human nature of self doubt and experiencing negative and intrusive thoughts. It also gives you greater confidence in your decision making, helps you form healthier and more positive relationships, encourages you to grasp on to every opportunity, gives you a greater sense of resilience and most importantly lets the authentic you shine through. All these positive effects of having a greater self confidence ultimately exposes you to a happier and more positive lifestyle.
“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”
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